Just Write #5 - My Redneck Son

We were just hanging out outside. James was playing in the wading pool, I was sitting with Ella in the shade. This is what I love about summer. Just sitting, enjoying my yard, watching my kids play. James calls to me, "Mom, a beaver." He calls gophers beavers for some reason, and he had found a dead one on the grass. Why is there a dead one in our yard? Well you can thank our cats for that. Apparently mice and birds are not enough of a challenge so they have moved on to gophers. I found just one last year and one the year before that, that the cats had got. This one is number 3 for the summer...and we are just getting started. I couldn't go clean it up right then because I was holding Ella, so I told him to not touch it and I'd get it later. A little later he comes to me with a wiener roasting stick and says "Mom, I cook a beaver?". Oh boy, I do believe I have a redneck son. What a kid. I decided I'd better set Ella down and clean up the gopher, after all it is garbage day and the garbage truck hadn't been by yet, better get it out with the garbage before they do come, dead gophers can get really stinky. So I go and scoop it up, and find the head of another gopher with just a few guts. Gross. There's #4. Nobody can say that we're not doing our part to control the gopher population in town.

James' Coutts Days Adventure

We had a wonderful day yesterday at the Coutts Days celebration. A great day of pancake eatin', parade watchin', candy catchin', rodeoin' fun! As soon as we got the the Rodeo, he asked if he would wear my cowboy hat. So I gave it to him. As soon as he put it on his head, he asked if he could ride a horse. I told him he couldn't ride a horse but he could ride a sheep. His face lit up and he was super excited about that. So during the intermission we headed out to the rodeo ring to wait his turn for a little mutton busting. I could tell he was getting a little nervous but when it was his turn he got into the chute, but he refused to wear the helmet, he had his heart set on wearing the cowboy hat. I was hoping he would get one of the "walking" sheep instead of one of the "bolting" sheep...but that wasn't the case.

After they got him on and opened the gate, the sheep just bolted and he didn't last long. Oh how he wailed when he hit the ground. Daniel and I were kinda laughing as we told him what a great job he did and he said 'NOT FUNNY! I fell off". But we told him he did awesome anyways, to which he said "NOT AWESOME, I fell off." But he got his medal and he thought that was kinda cool and wore it for the rest of the evening. He may not be doing that again next year, but I bet that he'll do it again when he is older and a little more capable of holding on and balancing. 

I think it is fabulous that all of my kids have given it a try...once. At least they can say that they did. James gave us a bit of another kind of adventure. While we were watching the rodeo he was playing under the grandstand with two older boys(Tansley's age) from our ward. I was sitting nursing Ella, but I could look under the bleachers and see him, but then suddenly he wasn't there anymore. The boys were still there, but no James, so I sent Kathryn to look for him, but she couldn't see him. So I handed her Ella and went to find him, with no luck. There were so many places he could have gone, and so many of them not safe for a 3yr old. I knelt down behind a car and pleaded with my Heavenly father to tell me where to go. I felt like I should have them announce it in case maybe he'd wandered off into the animal pens and someone had scooped him up out of harms way and was looking for me. Tansley and her friends left the rodeo grounds to look for him out at the playground while Daniel and I searched other places. Tansley found him hanging out with some older girls (who were kind keeping an eye on him)at the playground, which was really quite a distance from where we were watching the rodeo. I guess he had had enough and decided to go do something more entertaining. Nearly gave me a heart attack. What a kid.

A Walk with James - Just Write #4

Today is a beautiful day. After days of hardcore rain, I was excited to get out of the house for a walk in this gorgeous weather. So I packed up a lunch and James, Ella and I headed out for a walk at noon-ish.

Everytime we came to a corner I let James tell me which direction we should go. Because I had no destination in mind it didn't matter where we went or how long it would take to get there. Along the way we stopped at watch a plane fly overhead, we found part of a beautiful blue robin's egg, plenty of rocks and dandelions and a few green "caterpillar leafs" (I don't know what makes a leaf a caterpillar leaf, he just picked some leaves from a lilac bush and told me they were caterpillar leafs) and lets not forget splashing in puddles left over from the past few days of rain.
We stopped and had lunch on the lawn of a local business. James decided to be a superhero and save the birds on the street...by scaring them so they would fly away. Thank goodness he was there to save so many birds! When we eventually reached the grocery store we went in and bought a treat. By this time Ella was awake and getting hungry, so I had to tell James that we needed to head home. I was pleasantly surprised when he just accepted it and we walked the direct route home. We arrived home at 2:30pm.  What a wonderful way to spend my afternoon.


View Walking to the grocery store with James in a larger map

Starting from 2 Ave NE
1 Head west on 2 Ave NE toward 3 St NE
2 Turn left onto 2 St NE
    Stop in Alley for much needed potty break for The Boy
3 Turn left onto 1 Ave NE
4 Turn right onto 3 St NE
5 Turn right onto Centre Ave NE/AB-501 W
6 Turn left onto 1 Ave SE/2 St SE
   Stop for lunch
7 Turn right onto 1 St SE
8 Turn right onto Centre Ave NE/AB-501 E
9 Turn right onto 1 Ave SE/2 St SE
10 Turn right onto 1 St SE
11 Turn right onto Centre Ave NE/AB-501 E
12 Turn left onto 2 St NE
13 Turn left onto 1 Ave NE
14 Turn left onto 1 St NE
15 Turn right onto Centre Ave NE/AB-501 W
Arriving at Riverside Market
Total: 2.2 km - about 26 mins  1hr 45 mins

To head home
1 Head East on Centre Ave NE/AB-501 W
2 Turn left onto 4 St NE
Arriving at home
Total: 750m - about 10 mins 30 mins

It still hurts.

The past few weeks have been an ongoing battle. My 8 year old has taken to screaming and yelling. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Fierce, angry screaming at the top of her lungs. Anything can set her off. Today in the midst of all her screaming, she declared "Nobody wants a mom like YOU!" Yeah, I know one day she'll get it. One day when she has kids of her own she'll look back and see that it wasn't all that bad. But my kids have, to this point, never yelled at me with such hate in their voice. It hurt. It made me cry. It brought me to my knees and ask my Father in Heaven "What do I need to do differently?" It made me want to call my mommy and cry and ask her what I should do, but I can't just pick up the phone and call Ireland.

To add to that, I've also been battling the boy, daily, over using the potty. He outright refuses to do it for me. He can spend the weekend with Grandparents and be good as gold. He can spend the day with daddy in Lethbridge and be as good as gold. But when he is at home with me he'll go through 10 pair of underpants in a day, and have a melt down every single time I ask if he needs to go sit on the potty. A few days ago he wanted to sit on my lap, but I needed to feed Ella so I picked him up and let him sit on one side while I fed the baby. This wasn't good enough. He started crying and yelling at me to put Ella down. He then got down off my lap and went to his bedroom. A few minutes later he came out still screaming and crying with his favorite blanket. He came up to me yelled really loud and through his blanket at me and stormed back to his bedroom. It broke my heart that he was so mad at me. Ella was finished eating shortly after, so I put her in her swing and then went to my boy. I gave him a big hug and told him that I still loved him, even when I had to feed Ella, that I will always love him. That he was my Jimbo James. I know, I know. He is having a hard time adjusting to his new role as big brother rather than baby brother. I get it. I just don't know how to fix it.

Broken Glass

Tansley just broke a pretty glass water picture that was given to us as a wedding present. She was just being careless. I could get mad. I could yell and scream. I could cry or stomp or shake my fist. But I won't. I won't because one day I did something just as careless and broke something of my mom's and I remember her simply saying "it just stuff", and that was the end of it. People have always been more important that things to my mother. And so I'll just say "Oh well" and we'll go on about our day, because Tansley is most definitely more important than the pretty glass water picture. Honestly, I don't even remember who gave it to us. I'd have to go back and look. So if by chance you are the one who gave it to us, I am sorry it is broken. I served us well for nearly 12 years. I loved it and was especially glad to have it when we had company over.

the trenches

When one is living in the trenches and having one of those days where it is REALLY hard to remember that you will look at these days in fondness, it is important to have a few coping mechanisms. Usually holding or nursing ones little baby is quite effective, but there are days when that just isn't doable, like when your nearly 3 year old boy climbs all over you while throwing a tantrum, disrupting the peacefulness of the moment. So when the tried and true fails, you better have a few other back up plans.

Listening to beautiful music can always be helpful. The Piano Guys have some wonderful music and very powerful videos to go with it. Their newest video may just come to the rescue.

Phillip Phillips - Home (Piano/Cello Cover) - ThePianoGuys

When the screaming and yelling is so loud that you can't hear that beautiful music, it's time to go to the next plan. Keeping calm at this point is a real challenge. Yelling seems like the easiest way to be heard. But then you have made a promise to not yell because you hate the way it makes you feel. The only thing left to do is clasp your hands together and pray for guidance. In that moment you might remember that you have printed out a few scriptures to help both you and your children who are screaming, to cope with just these moments.

"And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another." Mosiah 4: 14-15

You'll hand one copy to your child and ask her to work on memorizing it for the next 10 minutes or so. When that time has past and she comes to you in tears to report what she has memorized, it is always good to sit and listen and take the opportunity to discuss what she has learned and how it has made her feel.

When all is calm again, but you just feel drained, take a moment to just listen to that beautiful music one more time. Take a deep breath, and be thankful that it is bedtime. Tomorrow is a new day.

....not that I had one of those days today.... :)

Perfect Stranger

I was just reading a blog post over at extraordinary ordinary, and immediately I was reminded of an experience that I had just a few weeks ago. I meant to blog about it when I got home, but life continued on and I forgot. But it is something I want to remember and something that needs a public thank-you, even if the person who deserves this thank-you will likely never ever read this.

I was late. I was in Lethbridge and I needed to be getting home to pick up Kymberly, but I also needed to make one more stop at the dollar store to pick up a few things for Tansley's birthday party. It had to be a super quick stop. Somehow, when you REALLY need a stop to be super quick, that toddler of yours senses that and puts a really big kink in the plans. Today was no different. Mr James was in no mood to cooperate. He had found the dinosaurs and he wasn't going to leave them. Ella was crying too, because she was tired and doesn't much like being in her carseat if she isn't in a fast moving vehicle. I had found what I needed and was trying to convince James to come with me, but he wouldn't budge. So I walked over to him and took his hand and led him away, but he was having none of that and dug his heels in and let his body go to dead weight(that is a lot of weight) all the while yelling "NO! MY DINOSAURS!". Keeping calm I explained to him that he has lots of dinosaurs at home and that we needed to get going so we could pick up Kymberly. He didn't care. Earlier we had passed a grandmotherly lady who had stopped and cooed at Ella when she had been fussing a little. Now she approached us again, this time she got right down and James' level and began to talk to him. She asked him about his shirt. She asked him about his baby sister. She just talked to him like he were her own grandchild. He answered her questions and calmed down enough to allow me to pick him up and put him in the cart(I wanted to ensure that we would get all the way to the checkout). I smiled at the lady and said "thank you so much!". She smiled back and said "I know how it is, I had three little ones once."

Thank you stranger Grandma! Thank you for not looking at me with those judgemental eyes and thinking those judgemental thoughts. Thank you for not just offering idle words of encouragement. Thank you for not telling me "to enjoy the moment because it goes by so fast". Thank you for your kind words and understanding. And most of all Thank you for seeing a need and filling it! This is what mothers of young children need when those young children are having a meltdown in public.

Typing this has reminded me of another incident that I haven't recorded. It was on a Sunday after Stake Conference. I was trying to get the kids ready to leave, Ella was crying in her carseat, James was having a meltdown because he wasn't going to nursery. It is terribly unfair to a two year old to have to sit through TWO hours of church and not even get to go to nursery. He wasn't letting Kathryn help him put his jacket while I helped Kymberly get hers zipped up. A lady who was putting her coat on reached down and picked up Ella's carseat and started swinging it back and forth to calm her down. When I turned my attention to James and tried to console him about the lack of nursery, the lady told him that he could have nursery at home. This calmed him down and I was able to get his jacket on him. The only problem was that when we returned home the meltdown resumed because he thought we were going to go to nursery at our regular church building. Poor boy, what a raw deal! But once again there was the kind stranger who saw a need and filled it, offering encouragement through her actions. Offering understanding instead of judgement. Doing, not just saying.

I'm pretty sure I can speak for all moms of young children out there. We know that one day we will look back on these days with fondness. We know that these days will pass by faster than we can imagine. We know these moments(most of them) will be all but precious memories in the blink of an eye. But right now, sometimes it can feel like it's just too much, and a helping hand from a stranger is ALWAYS more useful than idle words of well intentioned encouragement or the stares of disbelief that your child is acting in such a manner.

So once again I'll say, THANK YOU perfect stranger, for offering more than just words. I am determined to become the same kind of stranger when I see other mothers(or anyone really) in need.