Broken Glass

Tansley just broke a pretty glass water picture that was given to us as a wedding present. She was just being careless. I could get mad. I could yell and scream. I could cry or stomp or shake my fist. But I won't. I won't because one day I did something just as careless and broke something of my mom's and I remember her simply saying "it just stuff", and that was the end of it. People have always been more important that things to my mother. And so I'll just say "Oh well" and we'll go on about our day, because Tansley is most definitely more important than the pretty glass water picture. Honestly, I don't even remember who gave it to us. I'd have to go back and look. So if by chance you are the one who gave it to us, I am sorry it is broken. I served us well for nearly 12 years. I loved it and was especially glad to have it when we had company over.

the trenches

When one is living in the trenches and having one of those days where it is REALLY hard to remember that you will look at these days in fondness, it is important to have a few coping mechanisms. Usually holding or nursing ones little baby is quite effective, but there are days when that just isn't doable, like when your nearly 3 year old boy climbs all over you while throwing a tantrum, disrupting the peacefulness of the moment. So when the tried and true fails, you better have a few other back up plans.

Listening to beautiful music can always be helpful. The Piano Guys have some wonderful music and very powerful videos to go with it. Their newest video may just come to the rescue.

Phillip Phillips - Home (Piano/Cello Cover) - ThePianoGuys

When the screaming and yelling is so loud that you can't hear that beautiful music, it's time to go to the next plan. Keeping calm at this point is a real challenge. Yelling seems like the easiest way to be heard. But then you have made a promise to not yell because you hate the way it makes you feel. The only thing left to do is clasp your hands together and pray for guidance. In that moment you might remember that you have printed out a few scriptures to help both you and your children who are screaming, to cope with just these moments.

"And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another." Mosiah 4: 14-15

You'll hand one copy to your child and ask her to work on memorizing it for the next 10 minutes or so. When that time has past and she comes to you in tears to report what she has memorized, it is always good to sit and listen and take the opportunity to discuss what she has learned and how it has made her feel.

When all is calm again, but you just feel drained, take a moment to just listen to that beautiful music one more time. Take a deep breath, and be thankful that it is bedtime. Tomorrow is a new day.

....not that I had one of those days today.... :)

Perfect Stranger

I was just reading a blog post over at extraordinary ordinary, and immediately I was reminded of an experience that I had just a few weeks ago. I meant to blog about it when I got home, but life continued on and I forgot. But it is something I want to remember and something that needs a public thank-you, even if the person who deserves this thank-you will likely never ever read this.

I was late. I was in Lethbridge and I needed to be getting home to pick up Kymberly, but I also needed to make one more stop at the dollar store to pick up a few things for Tansley's birthday party. It had to be a super quick stop. Somehow, when you REALLY need a stop to be super quick, that toddler of yours senses that and puts a really big kink in the plans. Today was no different. Mr James was in no mood to cooperate. He had found the dinosaurs and he wasn't going to leave them. Ella was crying too, because she was tired and doesn't much like being in her carseat if she isn't in a fast moving vehicle. I had found what I needed and was trying to convince James to come with me, but he wouldn't budge. So I walked over to him and took his hand and led him away, but he was having none of that and dug his heels in and let his body go to dead weight(that is a lot of weight) all the while yelling "NO! MY DINOSAURS!". Keeping calm I explained to him that he has lots of dinosaurs at home and that we needed to get going so we could pick up Kymberly. He didn't care. Earlier we had passed a grandmotherly lady who had stopped and cooed at Ella when she had been fussing a little. Now she approached us again, this time she got right down and James' level and began to talk to him. She asked him about his shirt. She asked him about his baby sister. She just talked to him like he were her own grandchild. He answered her questions and calmed down enough to allow me to pick him up and put him in the cart(I wanted to ensure that we would get all the way to the checkout). I smiled at the lady and said "thank you so much!". She smiled back and said "I know how it is, I had three little ones once."

Thank you stranger Grandma! Thank you for not looking at me with those judgemental eyes and thinking those judgemental thoughts. Thank you for not just offering idle words of encouragement. Thank you for not telling me "to enjoy the moment because it goes by so fast". Thank you for your kind words and understanding. And most of all Thank you for seeing a need and filling it! This is what mothers of young children need when those young children are having a meltdown in public.

Typing this has reminded me of another incident that I haven't recorded. It was on a Sunday after Stake Conference. I was trying to get the kids ready to leave, Ella was crying in her carseat, James was having a meltdown because he wasn't going to nursery. It is terribly unfair to a two year old to have to sit through TWO hours of church and not even get to go to nursery. He wasn't letting Kathryn help him put his jacket while I helped Kymberly get hers zipped up. A lady who was putting her coat on reached down and picked up Ella's carseat and started swinging it back and forth to calm her down. When I turned my attention to James and tried to console him about the lack of nursery, the lady told him that he could have nursery at home. This calmed him down and I was able to get his jacket on him. The only problem was that when we returned home the meltdown resumed because he thought we were going to go to nursery at our regular church building. Poor boy, what a raw deal! But once again there was the kind stranger who saw a need and filled it, offering encouragement through her actions. Offering understanding instead of judgement. Doing, not just saying.

I'm pretty sure I can speak for all moms of young children out there. We know that one day we will look back on these days with fondness. We know that these days will pass by faster than we can imagine. We know these moments(most of them) will be all but precious memories in the blink of an eye. But right now, sometimes it can feel like it's just too much, and a helping hand from a stranger is ALWAYS more useful than idle words of well intentioned encouragement or the stares of disbelief that your child is acting in such a manner.

So once again I'll say, THANK YOU perfect stranger, for offering more than just words. I am determined to become the same kind of stranger when I see other mothers(or anyone really) in need.

Just Write #3: Eventful

So many things have transpired since I last wrote. I haven't yet taken the time to document them. And here we are at Just Write Tuesday, so I will use this day to make the time to write about my week.

Wednesday: We left right after school to head into Lethbridge to do grocery shopping before then spending the evening with my parents and some family. Since I had all 5 kids with me, and the baby in her car seat takes up so much space in a shopping cart, I decided to use two shopping carts so I would not have to employ my marvelous stacking skills and I'd have my oldest push one of them. For the most part we did really good. The kids stuck with me, there was little bickering or whining and we got the job done in a reasonable amount of time. When we got to the checkout we didn't have to wait in line we just walked up and started unloading everything. And that is when the chaos began. Poor baby Ella had had it, and was tired and hungry. James was "helping" unload things, put some how in the process was also hitting Kymberly with a bunch of bananas, of all things. Kymberly in an effort to avoid the banana attack, ducked and darted...running  right into the handle of the shopping cart that we were putting the bagged groceries in. She hit her head fairly hard and began to wail. James switched jobs and began pushing the button that moves the conveyor belt to bring the groceries down the line so you can pack them more easily, crushing the groceries as they piled up against the edge. The older two were doing their best to help pack the groceries in our reusable grocery bags. All the time poor Ella was crying her heart out. It was all somewhat comical. There was nothing else to be done but laugh at the sight of us. When we were nearly finished bagging our groceries, the lady from the help desk came over to offer her services, but by then we had it under control. Although I certainly appreciated the gesture and thanked her for it. I picked up my crying baby and whispered in her ear how sorry I was, as I one handedly pushed the cart out the door. She took a few deep breaths and calmed as she heard her momma's voice and felt safe once again. Oh how that precious little one trusts her momma, needs her momma. A wonderful reminder of one of my most important rolls. Stepping out into the warm air, the slight spring breeze took all the chaos with it, and all was right in the world again...for that moment.
Wednesday night: My parents were set apart as missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was an emotional night, at least it had the potential to be. I tried to feel the spirit of the occasion, but a certain little boy of mine was having a hard time sitting quietly in my lap and I found it very hard to concentrate on the things that were being said, I felt as though I had missed out on something profound as I looked around the room and saw that indeed others were feeling what I longed to feel in that moment. Here I was witnessing my parents being given a blessing as they were about to embark on a life long dream, to serve a mission together, to do God's work, and all I could hear was my son jabbering in my ear refusing to be shushed, not because he was trying to be bad, but simply because he was in a new place and there was so much to see and to talk to me about. He did not understand why we were there, or that we would be saying goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa and that we would not see them for 18 months. I could hardly be mad at him. Thankfully I would have one more day with them, as I was taking them to Calgary the next day.

Thursday: As soon as the three girls were off to school, I packed up the other two in the van and headed to Lethbridge to pick up my parents. When I got to their house, It was clear that they weren't quite ready. Thankfully I wasn't on as tight of a schedule as I originally thought because a friend of mine had offered to look after my girls after school until I got home. With that stress taken care of I was at ease and just went with the flow. As we started on our journey, my new favorite song(Phillip Phillips "Home") played in the van. James loves to sing along to this song and the night before as we headed home after saying goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa, Kymbelry requested we listen to it over and over because he calmed her down. As it played my mom, sitting in the back with James, explained how this song was her mission song, how she felt like with was Heavenly Father whispering in her ear and how it has brought comfort over the past few months as she has been preparing to leave to a new country. James and Grandma sang together and I listened with a new ear. We stopped in Claresholm, I needed to feed Ella and my parents wanted to say goodbye to my grandparents. Grandparents, who in their somewhat younger years, also served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was a teenager then and remember how proud I was to have Grandparents serving a mission. We had a wonderful visit and then headed on our way again. Once in Calgary, I left my parents in the capable hands of my brother and his wife. We had a quick lunch, fed Ella again, said a tearful goodbye and I was back on the road again headed for home, listening again to my favorite new song, but not able to sing along as I choked back tears.

Saturday: I spent the morning going through personal papers and cleaning out the fridge at my parents house. It was such a beautiful day so I took the kids to a park for a picnic lunch. The kids climbed and played and ran and rolled. It was glorious. Later in the afternoon I headed over to see my Grandma Paxman. The Lodge where she lives was serving a Mother's Day Tea, and since my mom was no longer around, I was given the opportunity to be there with my grandmother. She was walking down the hall when I arrived. As soon as she spotted me the biggest smile graced her face. Oh how happy I am that she still recognizes me. I wondered sadly, how much longer that will last. But for today, we will enjoy it. We sat and drank our fancy punch in fancy tea cups and ate the fancy cake. We talked about baby Ella, I told her again, that we had named her Ella in honour of her name, Ellen. She told me about the baseball game my uncle had taken her to recently, we talked about my parents going to Ireland, she'd smile and tell me how glad she was that I was there, and I would tell her that the honour my mine. She proudly told the gentleman and his mother that sat with us at our table that her daughter and husband were serving a mission in Ireland for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. When all this was talked about, we talked about it again. When one of the care providers asked what the baby's name was and I told them it was "Ella", grandma added that her name was "Ellen" and so the baby was kind of named after her. I was pleased that for now she had remembered that little detail. I could tell that grandma was getting tired when the details of today's stories were getting foggier and I was having to help her out. I suggested that we go to her room so that I could write in her guest book, a book my mother started to help her remember who had been by to visit and what they had done. She showed me the room she calls the "plant room" at the end of the hall. It's her favorite place and she shows it to me every time I visit. She loves the big windows and all the plants in the room. She loves to watch the gophers dig in the field and the geese fly overhead. It's a beautiful room and I can see why it is her favorite. We embrace again and I tell her that I should be going. I hate to leave. I would love to stay for so much longer, but I need to get back to my kids. Grandma walks me out to my van. We embrace again, I tell her how much I love her. I hope that there are still many more days like this one.

***********************
Linking up with  The Extraordinary Ordinary's Just Write

Just Write #2; Monsters, pushups and a sleeping baby.

So, last night I experienced a first. Last night after having put James to bed we could hear him crying very loudly in his bedroom. I went to check on him and he was huddled in the corner of his bed. I asked him what was wrong and he told me there was a monster. "Where?" I asked him. "In there" he says pointing to his closet. Now earlier in the day I had rearranged things in his closet and added some things so it did indeed look different. I told him there wasn't a monster in his closet and closed the closet door. "there, no more monsters". I settled him down and put him back to bed. He asked for his blanket, but unfortunately it was currently in the washer because it had faced the unfortunate wrath of James in a temper tantrum and refusing to use the potty in that moment. I told him that it was being washed and I would bring it to him as soon as it was dry. Not five minutes later he was crying again. This time Daddy went to save the day. Again, he was fearful of the monster in the closet, Daddy had him come and look in the closet to see what was in there, "oh"  he says "there's no monster, just boxes". And off to bed he goes again only to start crying moments after daddy had shut his bedroom door. Somehow daddy was able to get him to settle down for good. And as soon as his blanket was dry, I brought it up and tucked it around him.
I've never had a child afraid of the "monster in the closet", and I don't know why he was suddenly afraid of the monster last night. I wonder if maybe it was simply because he didn't have his blanket to keep him safe.

This month I have started a couple of challenges, in an effort to do something about the condition of my body. Baby is almost three months old, and although I am back to my pre pregnancy weight, it is a weight I don't want to remain at. I have found that if I give myself little challenges to work towards, it is easier to keep on track. So this month is a push up and crunchy challenge. I started out on the 1st doing 5 pushups and 20 crunchies. The 5 pushups just about did me in. Last nights challenge was 10 pushups. The day before that I did 7 and wondered how I'd ever get 3 more in the next day. But you know what? I just did it, #10 was a little bit of a struggle, but I got it done and what a feeling of accomplishment. Who knew that 10 measly little push ups could make one feel so great? By the end of the month the plan is to be able to do 40 push ups and 100 crunches.

Little miss Ella has been sleeping 6 or so hours most nights and she is starting to take longer naps during the day instead of short little naps. The result is that I am actually starting to get things done again.Yeah! However at this moment I am typing this one handed as she lies in my arms fighting sleep but ever so slowly giving in.

It's Great To Be Eight!

Kymberly really wanted to give Tansley a kite for her birthday. So on the day of Tansley's birthday party, while she was still at school, I went down to the hardware store and bought a kite. Kymberly was so excited. Kymberly has a problem keeping things a secret, so she told me she was going to try really hard not to give it away. When Tansley came home Kymberly ran to her and said "Tansley, I got you a k-i-t-e for your birthday!" Oh Kymberly, you gave it away. Spelling out a word for your older sister isn't a very good way of trying to fool her.

Tansley came out of her room all dressed and ready for her baptism day. James gasps and says "Tansley's a princess!" What a sweetheart! Tansley then asks James "are you a prince?". "No, I'm a King!" he says.

What a wonderful day we had on Saturday with family and friends. It was Tansley's wish to be baptized on her birthday. With her birthday on a Saturday this year it was an easy wish to grant. It was a beautiful day and the spirit could be felt in abundance.

My dad captured some precious pictures for us.

Just Write #1

I came across this blog the other day called "The Extraordinary Ordinary". She does this linky thing called "Just Write Tuesday". The idea is that you just write in the moment. I loved the idea of this and thought to myself how it would be a nice way to try to at least write a post once a week about stuff that is just happening. Well it's been a few weeks now since I had this thought and I haven't taken part in the linky because I didn't feel like I had anything to write. Which is precisely the reason why I wanted to take part in the challenge, to make myself write something.

So here I am writing in the moment. I finally have both hands free to type. Baby is sleeping in her swing. The older girls are home from school, so the boy has gone to hang out with them and I find myself alone at the computer with the clicking sound of the baby swing in the background. Quick Mandy, take this moment to write the things that have been bouncing around in your brain all day. But now here I sit typing, and I just don't know what those things were.

The minutes pass as I sit staring at my screen wondering what I can write that will have any value or significance to make this all worth it. But I am stumped. Why do I find this so hard? It's not like nothing happens during my days at home with my kids. So much happens. All of which is simply ordinary stuff. But isn't that ordinary stuff the stuff that I want to remember when my kids get older? Isn't the ordinary stuff the things my kids are going to want to know about when they are older? Just like my Great Great Grandmothers journals are full of the ordinary things of life. I have read those journals. I was inspired by those journals. I was amazed at the strong, faithful woman that she was. I learned to love a woman I had never met through the ordinary entries from her ordinary life, and of course, also through the very extraordinary entries from her painful real life heartbreaks. So inspired in fact that I determined to name my first born daughter after her, and I did.

So here and now, this begins my journey to try to capture my ordinary life in an ordinary way, so one day someone down the road my read these ordinary words, and maybe, just maybe find something extraordinary to inspire them to be better too.

***********************************

If you want to read other Just Write Entries Click here.