How did I get here?

Tonight, Kathryn put the too youngest to bed, but this made Ella mad. She requested that I come cuddle with her. So when I was finished what I was doing I headed down stairs for a cuddle. The bottom bunk is a queen sized bed so James slid over next to the wall and I laid down next to him and then Ella curled up next to me. James wrapped his arm around me and found my hand to hold, Ella wrapped her arms around my other arm and held it to her like it was her favourite teddy bear. James was asleep with in minutes, Ella was having a hard time falling asleep...she had had a late afternoon nap on the floor in the living room. So we all just laid there like that. I listened to their soft breath slow, and wondered, how did I get here? Oh, not it a bad way, I mean, how did I get to be 40 and the mother of these 5 beautiful children? How is it that so much time has passed? How is it that life is so very good? How am I so blessed to have this amazing life?
Don't get me wrong, life isn't always easy, and these kids of mine are far from perfect. The older two can go at each other like the bitterest of enemies, and then banned together and turn on me like I am the evil step mother seeking to destroy their lives. The middle one, though she doesn't yet treat me like an evil stepmother, her lackadaisical attitude can be exhausting. Trying to get that girl to do anything, can at times drive one over the edge. The boy has learned to throw a pretty nasty tantrum and he has taken up punching his sisters when they make him mad. And that three year old...soon to be four year old, well she has quite the stubborn streak. She wants what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it, and she wanted it 10 minutes ago. And it doesn't matter how impossible the request, if I can't grant it, there will be hell to pay. But through all of that, there are these amazing moments that wash all of that bitterness and hurt away. These moments where their laugh ripples through the air and all is right in the world. Or that twinkle in the boys eyes when he is up to something. Or that silly little look that Ella gives when she's got something funny to say. Or the sweet card that I find on my pillow that Kymberly has created. Or the heartfelt apology notes tucked sweetly away for me to find long after kids are in bed, written by one of my oldest. Or like tonight, the moments of cuddles where I feel like the most loved person in all the world. I am certain, that if I had enough sides,even my oldest two would join in a great big cuddle till we all fell asleep.
I have this saying on my wall that says "life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful", and I believe it could also read "kids don't have to be perfect to be wonderful". Either way I believe the statement sums up what make this momma so happy.

PS I think my hubby is pretty amazing too, 15 years in and he still makes me giddy...But that shall be a post for another day :)