Nothing

BLAH! that's how I feel for no real reason at all. I was sick for about 3 days this week, and Kymberly was up many times through out the night with a fever, and has been sick all day, and so my house is a disaster. There is a huge pile of dishes in the kitchen, not likely to have anything to eat off of or with for breakfast in the morning.I really want a dishwasher!!! But I used the money I made from cresting jersey's last month to buy us(really my husband) a lawn mower, another necessity that just happened to present it's case as a need a little more strongly this time of year. It is 8:24pm and I should have Kathryn and Tansley in bed, but they are actually playing nicely together so I use that as my excuse to not put them to bed just yet. The truth is I don't feel like doing anything. All I want to do is curl up in my bed and pretend that the day is over and the new week is beginning. I'm not to sure why suddenly I feel so BLAH, I had a fairly good day, we were able to go and visit with the Reese Family (Daniel's mom's side of the family), His cousin's son, who has downs syndrome, graduated from High School this weekend, so we went to celebrate with them, and I really enjoyed visiting with the family I didn't know I had until moving here to Milk River. But despite this pleasant event, I feel BLAH. Maybe it's just because I am so stinking tired because I did not get a good nights sleep last night.

I am also frustrated because I am tired of asking people to do something for me and then having them not follow through on it. It doesn't happen often to me, but that is more to do with the fact that I don't ask many people to do things for me because I hate it when it doesn't get done, and I would have been better off just figuring out how to do it on my own with three kids(one of the sick), no husband(because he's at work), and no van(because it is at work with my husband).Yeah, it might not have been easier, but at least I would have got it done. So, more often than not, I just find a way to do it myself, because then I know it will get done and no need to be disappointed or frustrated.

Oh, and while I'm complaining, I might as well complain about the one thing that is really getting to me. I really wanted to lose a good amount of weight by my birthday in July. I have really been trying to work at it. I have drastically changed my eating habits, in a good way, cutting back the carbs and increasing the vegetables. This has been what I call my Nazi diet, because I LOVE carbs! I love fresh veggies to, but come on,home made fresh baked bread with honey vs salad? Sorry, but the bread and honey will win every time. With the change in eating I have also tried to ride my bike or go for a walk or jog when ever I can. However, I have discovered that I hate riding my bike....It is my old bike set up on a trainer in my basement. It is as boring as watching paint dry, I have nothing to really challenge me or motivate me. I need a little computer in front of me telling me how fast I am going and encouraging me to go faster or pedal harder. I try watching TV, Specifically the Price is Right and trying to make myself ride harder in between pricing games, but, it just isn't cutting it. And not only is it boring, but it is incredibly uncomfortable. I simply hate every minute that I spend on it, which isn't a good way to keep yourself doing it. As for the walk or jog, well as you know, Tansley now insists on riding her trike when ever I want to go somewhere. And no matter what I can not convince her to get into the jogging stroller. I once bribed her with chocolate, but what am I teaching her if I always bribe her with chocolate? But then again, she's already addicted to chocolate, so what if I am feeding her addiction, at least I would get my exercise in. What is frustrating is that I really have been trying, and I am just not seeing the results that I would like to see. I take off 3 pounds, and then I put on 2 pounds, I take of 2 pounds and then put on 3 pounds...and the darn cycle just keeps going, and I hate myself for failing once again. And then think that I could just be happy with how I am. But then I see pictures of me from my Bridal shower, and oh how I wish that I could look like that again. And so I keep trying, and keep working at being positive and trying to just find enough desire and energy to keep at it. My husband is fabulous through all of this, he constantly tells me that I am beautiful, gorgeous, sexy and the best looking woman in the room. And because he does, I keep trying, he fills up my desire, and strengthens my energy to keep me going.

OK that is it, I'm done complaining.